I came back for the planting party, and for my parents, but more so, I came back for Kelly and if she and I have any chance of reconnecting, how can I convince her to forgive me when the very reason for our falling-out will be laying his perfect curls against the pillow in the guest house tonight? I haven’t felt able to trust a man, or a friend, and after the way the lies slipped so easily off my tongue to Kelly’s ears, I certainly don’t trust myself. I may have used my heartbreak and shame to fuel my ambition at work, but I also haven’t allowed myself to get close to another person since. But as long ago as it was, something fundamental shifted inside me that summer and I haven’t been the same since. The news of Sam’s return had me tossing and turning in bed as I asked myself why I cared.
The breeze settles into a hush over the land, but there is no peace inside me. I sip my coffee and listen to the distant chirping of the birds. Mom always says she doesn’t know which season is worse-summer, when she hardly sees him at all, or winter, when she sees him entirely too much. The grape-growing process is closely monitored all throughout the year but the start of growing season sets Dad in a particular frenzy after long winters when the vines are dormant and Dad’s work is inside, going over the year’s production numbers and watching his barrels age in the basement cellar. The next morning, I stand on the back porch, watching the vineyard hands walking up and down among the trellises, examining the newly budding grapevines. I swallow the spaghetti down and it sits heavy in my stomach. “I can take care of the guest house,” Mom offers, letting me off the hook.
Instead, I chew a bite of spaghetti, the noodles and my words becoming mush in my mouth. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you,” she says. She was obviously more in the know about what happened with Kelly than I realized. The way Mom’s eyes narrow at my reaction to the news, though, makes me wonder just how clueless she is.
Sam was an expert at withdrawing from me whenever anyone was around. Most of our time together was spent after Dad went to bed and Mom was hidden away in her office. My parents, as far as I knew, were blissfully ignorant about what happened between Sam and me that summer. I was never a factor in any of Sam’s decisions.
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